im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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