i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
