I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
