Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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