names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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