Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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