Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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