If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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