if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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