what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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