when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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