In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize