I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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