FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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