I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
