Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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