Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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