So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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