He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
