your thong is hanging out like whoa
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
