oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
