he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
