dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
