The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize