just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
