I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
