I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
