Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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