ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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