The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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