I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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