everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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