i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize