Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize