I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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