If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's never too late to be topless.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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