What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
where does the pee come out of this thing
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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