Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
