He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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