Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
