Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
