Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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