First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
