Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
