....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
