I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
