Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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