She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
