Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
