That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm passing your future prison.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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