I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Randomize
