you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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