Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
