so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
