o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
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