i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
