So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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