i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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