I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
