As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
