my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you win again, gameday.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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