Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
