He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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