Apparently you make a good broom.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think my moral compass just broke
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
