i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
