I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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