just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
