i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize