it was like his penis was on wheels.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
