I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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