I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so let's talk penis.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
