man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
