she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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