I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
