and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
