Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
