You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
