watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
