You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize