There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
