I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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