eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize