Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
