You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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