I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
