I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize