It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
