it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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