she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
