I heard we made out
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
