I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
