I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
