I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
