I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
