Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize