put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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