Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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