So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
