tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
