I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
