My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
