Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm passing your future prison.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
