She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So. Much. Porn.
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