As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
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