Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
