I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
