Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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