hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Vodka?
Forever.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
